1 00:00:23,623 --> 00:00:26,292 - YOU WANT ME TO PUT A POOL IN THIS YARD? 2 00:00:26,292 --> 00:00:28,862 - YES. PLEASE. - [laus] 3 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,497 - UNLESS YOU'RE PLANNING ON TAKING OUT 4 00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:32,098 THE FENCE OVER THERE AND ASKING THE NEIGHBORS 5 00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,434 TO GO IN HALFSIES WITH YOU, IT'S NOT GOING TO FIT. 6 00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:35,735 - I'M SORRY. I KNOW IT'S SMALL. 7 00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:37,670 - AND YOU GOT THIS BEAUTIFUL SHADE TREE RIGHT HERE. 8 00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:39,506 YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO KEEP THAT. - I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT. 9 00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:40,907 - LET ME TELL YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. 10 00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:43,243 LET ME BUMP OUT THE DECK, ALL RIGHT? 11 00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:46,212 AND WE'LL PUT IN A NICE, SUNKEN HOT TUB, YOU KNOW? 12 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:48,748 AND MAYBE EVEN WE DO A LITTLE, UH, BARBECUE PIT RIGHT HERE. 13 00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:49,883 I THINK IT'LL BE REAL NICE. 14 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,651 IT'LL BE AN OUTDOOR LIVING ROOM. 15 00:00:51,651 --> 00:00:56,222 - OKAY. THAT'S FINE. 16 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,224 JUST DO THAT. 17 00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,459 HOW FAST CAN YOU FINISH IT? 18 00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:00,894 - WELL, IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER, 19 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,595 SO IT'S OUR BUSY SEASON. - I'LL PAY EXTRA. 20 00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:03,663 - WELL, I STILL HAVE THREE JOBS AHEAD OF YOU. 21 00:01:03,663 --> 00:01:04,864 - I'LL PAY DOUBLE. 22 00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:07,901 - I WILL HAVE A CREW OUT HERE IN THE MORNING. 23 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,638 - HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SUMMER. - AND TO YOU. 24 00:01:14,107 --> 00:01:16,443 - SO WE'LL DO A HOT TUB. 25 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,056 - ♪ EVERYBODY'S COOLER WITH A POOL ♪ 26 00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:32,325 ♪ BE COOL WITH COOL POOLS ♪ 27 00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:34,427 IS THAT YOUR NEW LOVER? 28 00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:36,196 IS THAT WHY I'M SLEEPING ON MY SISTER'S COUCH? 29 00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:39,699 - I'M GOING TO BUMP OUT THE DECK AND PUT IN A HOT TUB. 30 00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:41,835 - I THOUGHT WE WERE SAVING FOR NEW CLOSET SYSTEMS. 31 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:44,003 CATHERINE, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE. 32 00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:45,505 - WHY ARE YOU HERE? 33 00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:47,540 - I CAME TO GET THE HEATING PAD YOU USE FOR YOUR CRAMPS. 34 00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:50,543 FEEL THAT. - THAT'S A BIG KNOT. 35 00:01:50,543 --> 00:01:53,613 - YEAH. COULD YOU JUST RUB IT FOR ME FOR ONE SECOND? 36 00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,381 JUST ONE? 37 00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,488 OH, GOD, THAT FEELS SO GOOD. 38 00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:02,956 OH, GET IN THERE. 39 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:06,326 OH, HONEY, CAN WE PLEASE FIX THIS? 40 00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:07,794 I MISS YOU SO MUCH. 41 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,796 AND I'M SO SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED. 42 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,631 - I'M SORRY, PAUL. I HAVE TO GO. 43 00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:13,366 I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A DERMATOLOGIST. 44 00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:14,801 - CAN WE JUST HAVE DINNER OR SOMETHING? 45 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,202 CAN WE AT THE VERY LEAST FIGURE OUT 46 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,804 WHAT WE'RE GONNA TELL ADAM TOMORROW? 47 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,440 'CAUSE RIGHT NOW MY STORY IS "ADAM, YOUR MOM'S A MEANIE!" 48 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:26,446 - OKAY. DINNER. 49 00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:27,914 WE DIDN'T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY GROWING UP, 50 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:30,416 BUT WE DID HAVE A POOL IN OUR BACKYARD. 51 00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:32,552 [laughs] 52 00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:33,987 MY BROTHER AND I, 53 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,422 WE WOULD SPEND ALL SUMMER IN IT MAKING UP DIVES. 54 00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:40,760 MY SIGNATURE WAS THE BANANA SPLIT AND DIVE. 55 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,529 - SOUNDS FUN. 56 00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:44,364 - EXCEPT WHEN SEAN WOULD HOLD ME UNDER THE WATER 57 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:46,032 AND FART ON MY FACE. 58 00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:48,434 [chuckles] 59 00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:50,603 OH, HELLO, BREAST. 60 00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,238 HOW LONG HAS THAT BEEN HAPPENING? 61 00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:54,574 - DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE. 62 00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:56,576 - WELL, SCREW YOU. 63 00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:58,645 ANYWAY, IN REGARDS TO YOUR QUESTION, 64 00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:00,980 I DON'T THINK I WANT TO DO THAT. 65 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,483 I--JUST--I'VE ALWAYS REALLY LOVED MY HAIR. 66 00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,318 I CRY EVERY TIME I GET IT CUT. 67 00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:07,287 - YOU WON'T NECESSARILY LOSE YOUR HAIR. 68 00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:09,122 - MY NOSE IS ANOTHER STORY. 69 00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,491 IF YOU TOLD ME I WAS GOING TO LOSE MY NOSE... 70 00:03:13,893 --> 00:03:15,295 WHAT'S THAT? 71 00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:16,963 - SOME INFORMATION ON ALTERNATIVE TREATMENTS 72 00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:18,031 FOR MELANOMA. 73 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:23,036 - WELL, CRAP. THOUGHT IT WAS A CURE. 74 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:27,340 - HOW'S YOUR HUSBAND FEEL? - I HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET. 75 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,809 - WOW. 76 00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:31,978 - I'M JUST KIND OF A PRIVATE PERSON. 77 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:33,846 EXCEPT AROUND YOU. 78 00:03:33,846 --> 00:03:37,383 [laughs] I CAN'T SEEM TO SHUT UP AROUND YOU. 79 00:03:39,652 --> 00:03:42,622 - HERE. THESE ARE SOME TIPS ON HOW TO TALK TO LOVED ONES. 80 00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:44,023 A LOT OF PEOPLE FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT. 81 00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:45,358 - ARE YOU MARRIED? - NO. 82 00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:47,193 BUT I THINK I'D WANT TO KNOW. 83 00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:48,962 - I WAS GOING TO TELL HIM. 84 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,630 AND THEN WHEN I GOT HOME, 85 00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:54,467 THERE WERE 15 MEN IN MY HOUSE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. 86 00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:57,537 PAUL WAS DRUNK AND PEEING IN THE FRONT YARD. 87 00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:58,905 I FOUND MYSELF SAYING 88 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,673 "I THINK I NEED TO BE ALONE FOR A WHILE." 89 00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:08,248 - UM, SOME SUPPORT GROUPS YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN. 90 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,184 - I JUST GOT THIS IMAGE OF WHEN YOU DO GET MARRIED. 91 00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,319 YOU AND YOUR BRIDE STANDING AT THE ALTAR 92 00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:16,789 PASSING BROCHURES BACK AND FORTH. 93 00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:20,893 - TELL SOMEONE, CATHY. 94 00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:22,862 - THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER IN MINNEAPOLIS. 95 00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:25,164 DON'T MAKE IT OUR LAST. 96 00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:28,501 'SCUSE ME, YOU GUYS GOT A MINUTE TO HELP SAVE THE PLANET? 97 00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:30,737 NO? ALL RIGHT, WHEN YOU GET THAT PLASTIC HOME, 98 00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:33,573 PUT IT OVER YOUR DAUGHTER'S HEAD AND SUFFOCATE HER WITH IT 99 00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,508 'CAUSE YOU'RE DESTROYING HER FUTURE! 100 00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:37,644 - DID YOU GO TO BUSINESS SCHOOL 101 00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:39,445 TO LEARN TO APPEAL TO PEOPLE LIKE THAT? 102 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:43,016 - UH, NO. I WENT TO SHUT THE FUCK UP TECHNICAL INSTITUTE. 103 00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:44,717 - I'LL BET YOU WERE FIRST IN YOUR CLASS. 104 00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:48,054 - NO, BUT I SLEPT WITH HER. - LOVELY. GET IN THE CAR. 105 00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:49,756 - COME BACK AND PICK ME UP ON A BIKE. 106 00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:50,923 - I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU. 107 00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:51,924 - GO TELL IT ON A MOUNTAIN. 108 00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:53,860 - GET IN THE DAMN CAR, SEAN! 109 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,199 - LEAST YOU COULD DO IS BUY A HYBRID. 110 00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:04,203 - LEAST YOU COULD DO IS TAKE A SHOWER. 111 00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:06,873 - EXCUSE ME, SIR, I'LL TAKE THAT FOR YOU. 112 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:10,310 - OH, OKAY. THANK YOU. 113 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,716 - GROSS. - I KNOW YOU ARE. 114 00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:18,318 - I WOULD'VE BOUGHT YOU A MEAL. 115 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,986 - WE THROW AWAY A TON OF FOOD IN THIS COUNTRY 116 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,321 EVERY SINGLE DAY. 117 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:24,557 AND NOT A FIGURATIVE TON. AN ACTUAL TON. 118 00:05:24,557 --> 00:05:26,059 BESIDES, I WOULDN'T WANT TO TAKE FOOD 119 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,227 OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF ALL THOSE TAPEWORMS YOU'RE FEEDING. 120 00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:30,229 - NEVER COMMENT ON A WOMAN'S MEAL. 121 00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:34,467 - SO WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TELL ME? 122 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:44,911 - YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE. 123 00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:46,145 - I DON'T WANT THIS. 124 00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:47,780 - IT'S JUST SOME MONEY JUST TO TUCK AWAY. 125 00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:49,782 - [robotic voice] I DO NOT WANT IT. 126 00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:50,783 [normal voice] HAVE WE MET? 127 00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:51,951 - YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND IT. 128 00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:53,353 JUST IN CASE YOU WANT TO GET AN APARTMENT. 129 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,188 - I FEEL LIKE I'M ON A TRAIN IN EUROPE, 130 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,056 AND YOU'RE A LITTLE GERMAN MAN, AND I'M ME, 131 00:05:57,056 --> 00:05:58,558 AND WE'RE SITTING ACROSS FROM EACH OTHER, 132 00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,293 AND WE'RE TALKING 133 00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:03,463 BUT NEITHER OF US REALLY UNDERSTANDS THE OTHER ONE. 134 00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:05,131 - I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU LOVE SHOCKING PEOPLE 135 00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:07,400 AND YOU THINK LIVING LIKE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA RIGHT NOW. 136 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,635 BUT JUST DO ME A FAVOR AND TAKE IT. 137 00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:11,337 - OKAY. I'LL GIVE IT TO THE SALVATION ARMY. 138 00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:13,005 - NO, YOU WILL NOT. 139 00:06:13,005 --> 00:06:15,875 YOU WILL NOT GIVE IT TO THE SALVATION ARMY. 140 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,211 NO. STOP IT. 141 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,380 - OH, RELAX. SHE'S MY SISTER. 142 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,116 YOU WANT ME TO HAVE IT AS LONG AS I DO WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO. 143 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,384 - I WANT YOU TO SPEND IT ON YOURSELF. 144 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,385 I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. 145 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,753 - NO, YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY 146 00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:28,621 AND YOU THINK THIS'LL DO IT FOR YOU. 147 00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:32,759 THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME. I'M FREAKING ECSTATIC. 148 00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:34,594 [scoffs] I WISH YOU KNEW WHAT THAT FELT LIKE. 149 00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:38,030 - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? YOU DON'T THINK I'M HAPPY? 150 00:06:38,030 --> 00:06:39,532 - NO, NO. I DON'T WANT TO BE A JUDGE, 151 00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:40,867 'CAUSE THAT'S YOUR THING. 152 00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,035 BUT EIGHT OUT OF THE TEN TIMES I SAW YOU LAST YEAR 153 00:06:43,035 --> 00:06:44,537 ALL YOU COULD TALK ABOUT 154 00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:46,873 WAS WHETHER YOU'RE GONNA BUY A COUCH FROM CRATE AND BARREL 155 00:06:46,873 --> 00:06:47,874 OR POTTERY FARM. 156 00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:49,375 - BARN. - LIKE I CARE. 157 00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:53,246 ONE WAS CHEAPER, BUT THE OTHER ONE HAD A NICER FABRIC. 158 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,281 AND ULTIMATELY YOU DECIDED TO STICK WITH THE ONE 159 00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:57,550 YOU ALREADY HAD 'CAUSE IT WAS A SAFE NEUTRAL 160 00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:00,987 WITH A FEW GOOD YEARS STILL LEFT IN IT. 161 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,222 GOD, AM I GLAD YOU WORKED THROUGH THAT! 162 00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,224 - THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT HAPPY. 163 00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:09,362 - OH, GOOD. THEN YOU ARE JUST REALLY FUCKING BORING. 164 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:14,400 - I WANTED A NEW COUCH BECAUSE YOU SPILLED FRUIT PUNCH 165 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:15,902 WHILE YOU WERE BOUNCING ON THE CUSHIONS. 166 00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:19,806 - NOT BOUNCING. RIVERDANCING. 167 00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:21,607 I AM CRAVING THE PASTA. 168 00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:23,042 BUT I LOVE THEIR CHICKEN. 169 00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:24,844 SO I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU GET THE PASTA, 170 00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:26,212 I GET THE CHICKEN, WE SPLIT. 171 00:07:26,212 --> 00:07:28,648 - WHAT 45-YEAR-OLD MAN DANCES ON A COUCH SOBER? 172 00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:29,816 - WHO SAID I WAS SOBER? 173 00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:31,083 - NOW I HAVE TO REVERSE THE CUSHIONS. 174 00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:32,118 I HAVE TO HIDE THE STAIN. 175 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,653 I USED TO LIE AWAKE AT NIGHT UPSET 176 00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:35,054 BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH YOU COULDN'T SEE THE STAINS 177 00:07:35,054 --> 00:07:36,289 I KNEW THEY WERE THERE. 178 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,323 - WELL, THAT'S WHY I TOLD YOU TO GO AHEAD 179 00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:38,758 AND PICK OUT A NEW COUCH. 180 00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:41,494 - I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO PICK OUT THE NEW COUCH. 181 00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:43,663 I WANT TO BE THE ONE TO SPILL THE FRUIT PUNCH. 182 00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:48,067 - BUT YOU'RE NOT THE "SPILLING THE FRUIT PUNCH" TYPE. 183 00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:53,039 - DO YOU THINK I'M BORING? 184 00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:54,340 - JUST PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO 185 00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:55,641 TO GET BACK IN THE HOUSE. 186 00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:56,642 - YOU DO. YOU THINK I'M BORING. 187 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,110 - I DO NOT. 188 00:07:58,110 --> 00:08:00,146 LOOK, IT'S JUST THE WAY THAT OUR PERSONALITIES BREAK DOWN. 189 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,948 I LIKE TO DO CERTAIN THINGS THAT SOME PEOPLE 190 00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:04,083 MIGHT CATEGORIZE AS FUN, 191 00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:07,119 AND YOU LIKE TO OTHER THINGS THAT PEOPLE MIGHT CONSIDER LESS 192 00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:08,688 THAN AN OPTIMAL GOOD TIME. 193 00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:10,022 - LIKE WHAT? 194 00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:12,024 - LIKE ORGANIZE STUFF, AND--AND CLEAN STUFF, 195 00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:13,893 AND PUT THINGS IN CONTAINERS. 196 00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,061 - I WANTED TO BE THE FUN ONE. 197 00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,729 I WANTED THE HOUSE WITH THE POOL, 198 00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,431 SO I COULD TEACH ADAM THE BANANA SPLIT AND DIVE. 199 00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:19,765 BUT YOU WANTED TO BE CLOSER TO YOUR JOB 200 00:08:19,765 --> 00:08:20,933 SO YOU COULD VESPA TO WORK. 201 00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:22,335 - AND YOU SAID IT WAS A BETTER IDEA 202 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,737 BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE DIE IN POOLS. 203 00:08:24,737 --> 00:08:26,906 - PEOPLE DIE EVERYWHERE. 204 00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:28,741 I SAID IT WAS A BETTER IDEA BECAUSE YOU THREW A TANTRUM 205 00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:30,142 IN FRONT OF THE REALTOR. 206 00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:31,410 - I MADE MY POINT IN AN EMOTIONAL WAY, SURE. 207 00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:32,712 - YOU MADE YOUR POINT IN A CHILDISH WAY. 208 00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,113 - WELL, MAYBE I WOULDN'T ACT LIKE SUCH A KID 209 00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:35,281 IF YOU DIDN'T ASK ME IF I NEEDED TO PEE 210 00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:36,749 EVERY TIME WE LEAVE THE HOUSE. 211 00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:38,084 - SO MAYBE I WOULDN'T TREAT YOU LIKE SUCH A CHILD 212 00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,685 IF EVERY TIME I MADE YOU A SANDWICH, 213 00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:40,853 YOU DIDN'T ASK ME TO CUT THE CRUSTS OFF THE BREAD. 214 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,121 - OH, SUE ME, I LOVE A CRUSTLESS SANDWICH. 215 00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:43,389 - WELL, I LOVE ONIONS. 216 00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:45,424 I HAVEN'T HAD AN ONION IN 15 YEARS 217 00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:47,560 BECAUSE YOU SAY THEY'RE STINKY POO-POO. 218 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:50,563 - THEY ARE! 219 00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,732 COME ON, CATHY, ARE YOU HONESTLY TELLING ME 220 00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,400 THAT I'M SLEEPING ON MY SISTER'S COUCH 221 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,302 BECAUSE YOU WANT TO START COOKING WITH ONIONS AGAIN? 222 00:08:56,302 --> 00:09:00,373 - [whispers] YES, PAUL. THAT'S IT. 223 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,208 I WANT ONIONS TO BE A MAJOR PART OF MY LIFE 224 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,676 IN THE NEXT YEAR. 225 00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:08,014 - ARE YOU READY TO ORDER? 226 00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:10,783 - I'M JUST HAVING DESSERTS AND LIQUOR. 227 00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:20,026 - YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE! - OH, MY GOD! 228 00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:21,527 - GET ON THE GROUND! - PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! 229 00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:25,398 - HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD! - DON'T HURT ME! I HAVE A CHILD! 230 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,768 - HEY, MOM. DID YOU MISS ME? 231 00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:29,869 - THAT'S NOT FUNNY! 232 00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:33,072 - IT'S KIND OF FUNNY FROM THIS SIDE. 233 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,307 - WHY ARE YOU HOME? 234 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,208 - BRENT'S PARENTS JUST DROVE REALLY FAST. 235 00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:40,179 SOME VACATION. THEY FOUGHT THE ENTIRE TIME. 236 00:09:40,179 --> 00:09:43,849 WHERE'S DAD? 237 00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:47,286 - HE'S--HE'S STAYING AT AUNT LISA'S. 238 00:09:47,286 --> 00:09:50,156 - WHY? 239 00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:53,826 - SOMETIMES ADULTS JUST NEED A LITTLE BREATHING SPACE. 240 00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:56,596 - JESUS. WHAT DID YOU DO? - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 241 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,664 DON'T SAY "JESUS." - JESUS. 242 00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:02,335 ARE YOU GONNA GET A DIVORCE? 243 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,003 - HONEY, EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE. 244 00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:05,671 WE'RE--WE'RE BUILDING A DECK TO THE HOUSE 245 00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,173 WITH A HOT TUB SO YOU AND YOUR FRIE-- 246 00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:10,009 - I DON'T LIKE HOT TUBS. - YOU DON'T? 247 00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:11,777 - NO. YOU SAID THEY'RE LIKE SITTING 248 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,512 IN A GIANT PETRI DISH, 249 00:10:13,512 --> 00:10:16,349 EVERYBODY'S GERMS CRAWLING UP IN YOUR BUTT HOLE. 250 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,985 - PRETTY SURE I DIDN'T SAY BUTT HOLE. 251 00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:24,490 YOU'RE TIRED. GO TO BED. - JESUS. 252 00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,371 - NO, BRIAN, YOU'RE NOT UNDERSTANDING. 253 00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:42,408 - I-I-I WANT--I WANT A POOL. NOT A HOT TUB. A POOL. 254 00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:43,909 - OKAY, BRIAN, LET ME CALL YOU BACK. 255 00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:47,513 - DIG A HOLE AS DEEP AND AS WIDE AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN. 256 00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:48,648 CUT DOWN THE SHADE TREE. 257 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,049 DIG RIGHT UP TO THE HOUSE 258 00:10:50,049 --> 00:10:52,585 SO THAT I CAN DIVE INTO THE POOL FROM MY PORCH. 259 00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,053 NOW, I'LL PAY YOU OVERTIME. 260 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:55,955 BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT THE JOB, I'LL GET SOMEBODY ELSE. 261 00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,623 IT'S NO SKIN OFF MY NOSE. I HAVE NO LOYALTY TO YOU. 262 00:10:57,623 --> 00:10:59,859 WE JUST MET. 263 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,627 - HEY, LADY, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, 264 00:11:01,627 --> 00:11:04,597 I WILL GET A DIGGER OUT HERE THIS AFTERNOON. 265 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:07,066 - GREAT. 266 00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:10,036 GET YOUR DIGGER OUT HERE. 267 00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:11,437 BIGGER YOUR DIGGER, THE BETTER. 268 00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:16,409 - BRING IT BACK. 269 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,311 - I'M SORRY. I'M CATHY. 270 00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:21,280 IT'S WEIRD, I'VE LIVED ACROSS THE STREET FROM YOU 271 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,616 FOR FIVE YEARS. I NEVER GOT YOUR NAME. 272 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,551 I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT. 273 00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:28,054 YOU KNOW, THERE--THERE'S A DOG PARK PRETTY CLOSE TO HERE. 274 00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:30,389 MY SON COULD-- 275 00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:34,260 WELL, GUESS WHO'S NOT GOING TO SWIM IN MY POOL. 276 00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:37,196 [school bell rings] 277 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:41,434 [clicking] 278 00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:50,543 - ARE YOU GONNA TEACH US ANYTHING TODAY? 279 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,778 - HAVE I EVER TAUGHT YOU ANYTHING? 280 00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:54,780 REALLY? 281 00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:58,784 THIS IS SUMMER SCHOOL, SO I GUESS THE ANSWER'S OBVIOUS. 282 00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:04,557 ANYBODY EVER SEEN THE PATRIOT? 283 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,459 ITS DEPICTION OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION 284 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:09,395 IS ABOUT 20% ACCURATE AT BEST. 285 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,397 BUT IF YOU UNDERSTOOD THIS VERSION AS TRUTH, 286 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,599 YOU'D STILL KNOW MORE ABOUT THAT TIME IN HISTORY 287 00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:15,668 THAN 99% OF AMERICANS. 288 00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:19,405 AND MEL GIBSON IS MEDIUM GOOD. ENJOY. 289 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,676 [door closes] 290 00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:27,113 YOU'RE LATE AGAIN, ANDREA. 291 00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:28,714 - YEAH, BUT I FIGURED SINCE YOU USUALLY SPEND 292 00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:29,982 THE FIRST TEN MINUTES OF EVERY CLASS 293 00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,083 TRYING TO GET TO YOUR POINT, 294 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,785 I DIDN'T MISS A WHOLE LOT. 295 00:12:32,785 --> 00:12:35,521 "CLASS CHAPTER ONE. OOP. SORRY, CHAPTER TWO. 296 00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:38,991 SORRY. SORRY. SORRY." [laughter] 297 00:12:38,991 --> 00:12:42,595 - FUNNY. COME GET YOUR TEST. 298 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,002 YOU CAN'T BE FAT AND MEAN, ANDREA. 299 00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:51,537 - WHAT? - YOU HEARD ME. 300 00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:52,638 IF YOU'RE GONNA DISH IT OUT, 301 00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:54,039 YOU GOT TO BE ABLE TO LICK IT UP. 302 00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:56,542 FAT PEOPLE ARE JOLLY FOR A REASON. 303 00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:59,044 FAT REPELS PEOPLE, BUT JOY ATTRACTS THEM. 304 00:12:59,044 --> 00:13:01,046 NOW, I KNOW EVERYONE'S LAUGHING AT YOUR CRUEL JOKES, 305 00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:02,782 BUT NOBODY'S INVITING YOU TO THE PROM. 306 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,517 SO YOU CAN EITHER BE FAT AND JOLLY 307 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:05,818 OR A SKINNY BITCH. 308 00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:07,920 IT'S UP TO YOU. 309 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:11,557 SIT DOWN. 310 00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:13,325 WE'RE WATCHING A MOVIE. 311 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:27,907 - STARVING MY FACE OFF. 312 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:30,309 - HELP ME CUT. 313 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:33,012 I AM MAKING CHILI. YOUR FAVORITE. 314 00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:35,281 - NOT WITH ONIONS IN IT. - YOU'VE NEVER EVEN TRIED THEM. 315 00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:38,751 - WE HAD SUSHI ON VACATION. IT WAS AWESOME. 316 00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,053 I AM A WARRIOR. THIS IS MY WEAPON. 317 00:13:41,053 --> 00:13:43,088 I WILL TEACH YOU MANY THINGS. 318 00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:48,260 - HEY! CAREFUL WITH THAT. 319 00:13:48,260 --> 00:13:51,330 - OH. JEEZ! I CUT MY FINGER OFF! 320 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,732 [affected crying] - OH. HERE. 321 00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:55,568 - I JUST, LIKE, CUT IT OFF. - HOLD THIS VERY TIGHT. 322 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,069 - OKAY. - VERY TIGHT. 323 00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:58,604 GET INTO THE CAR. WE WILL GO TO THE HOSPITAL. 324 00:13:58,604 --> 00:13:59,772 - OKAY. 325 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,842 - AH. AHA! 326 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:06,245 NAH! MM. 327 00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:08,214 - MOM! 328 00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:16,222 - THAT WASN'T FUNNY! - LET'S TAKE A VOTE. 329 00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,924 - I'LL DISCUSS YOUR PUNISHMENT WITH YOUR DAD. 330 00:14:18,924 --> 00:14:21,093 - LET ME KNOW HOW THAT GOES. 331 00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:23,229 - DID YOU NOT FLUSH THE TOILET? 332 00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:24,263 - IT WON'T FLUSH. 333 00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:25,731 - WELL, DID YOU TRY AND PLUNGE IT? 334 00:14:25,731 --> 00:14:27,066 - YOU PLUNGE IT. I'M GONNA GO EAT AT BRENT'S. 335 00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:29,702 [siren blares] 336 00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:36,075 - WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? - THIS YOUR HOUSE? 337 00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:37,643 - NO, I LIVE IN THE NEXT TOWN OVER. 338 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,578 I JUST LIKE TO WALK AROUND IN MY ROBE. 339 00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:45,084 - WELL, TIGHTEN YOUR BELT 'CAUSE YOUR BOOB'S HANDING OUT. 340 00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:47,486 YOU DON'T HAVE PERMITS FOR THIS JOB. 341 00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:50,356 - SO? I'M NOT BOTHERING ANYONE. 342 00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:51,924 - ONE OF YOUR NEIGHBORS COMPLAINED. 343 00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:53,893 - WHICH ONE? 344 00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,134 [dog whines] 345 00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:03,535 - OH, GOD. I AM SO SORRY. 346 00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:05,037 - YOU CAN'T JUST WALK INTO MY HOUSE. 347 00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:06,805 - YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I CAN DO. 348 00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:09,041 - YOU'RE A PAIN IN THE ASS. - YOU'RE A FUCKING CUNT. 349 00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,442 - GET OUT! 350 00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:12,511 - YOU HAVE NEVER SAID HELLO TO ME. 351 00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:15,447 YOU HAVE NEVER SMILED EVEN A LITTLE BIT. 352 00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:17,449 AND YOU SIT OUT THERE AND YOU SCOWL 353 00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:19,685 AT EVERYBODY THAT WALKS BY YOUR RUNDOWN HOUSE 354 00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:21,353 THAT LOOKS LIKE SHIT 355 00:15:21,353 --> 00:15:24,490 AND SMELLS LIKE CHICKEN THAT YOU FRIED 23 YEARS AGO. 356 00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:26,992 THEN I DO ONE SMALL CONSTRUCTION PROJECT 357 00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:29,094 AND YOU HAVE TO GO BEHIND MY BACK. 358 00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,729 AND I REALLY-- I WANTED TO TEACH MY SON 359 00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:33,632 THE BANANA SPLIT AND DIVE, 360 00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:37,303 BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME. 361 00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:39,405 SUMMERS IN MINNEAPOLIS, THEY ARE VERY SHORT. 362 00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:41,206 THEY ARE HERE AND THEN IT'S OVER. 363 00:15:41,206 --> 00:15:42,408 IT'S JUST OVER. 364 00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:44,376 AND I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MAD THAT MAKES ME. 365 00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:46,478 [dog whines] I'M SO SORRY. 366 00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:50,282 - MY HUSBAND BUILT THIS HOUSE! 367 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:53,185 AND HE LOVED PUTTERING AROUND IN THE YARD. 368 00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:54,386 I ACCUSED HIM OF LOVING THAT LAWN 369 00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:55,587 MORE THAN ME ONCE. 370 00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:59,091 - HMM. LET ME GUESS-- - HE DIED. 371 00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:00,859 AND ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD. 372 00:16:00,859 --> 00:16:06,165 SO I JUST SIT OUT THERE AND WAIT UNTIL I CAN SEE THEM AGAIN. 373 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:08,734 SORRY I'M NOT IN A BETTER MOOD. 374 00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:10,369 - WELL, IF YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO BE WAITING 375 00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,638 AT LEAST ONE MORE DAY, DO YOUR NEIGHBORS A FAVOR 376 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:16,942 AND MOW YOUR FUCKING GRASS. 377 00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,162 - [grunts] 378 00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:47,206 PLEASE KISS MY BIG ONION MOUTH. 379 00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:49,141 - NO. 380 00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:52,111 - 'CAUSE THEY'RE STINKY, AREN'T THEY? 381 00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:53,946 - THEY'RE STINKY. 382 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,620 - FROM NOW ON, IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU. 383 00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:04,857 HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES-- FOREVER--YOU. 384 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,358 [phone rings] 385 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,761 [Cathy on answering machine] MAKE OUR DAY. LEAVE A MESSAGE. 386 00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:12,698 [beep] - HI, CATHY, IT'S DR. MILLER. 387 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:16,402 TODD. UM, I'M JUST CALLING TO CHECK IN, SEE HOW YOU ARE. 388 00:17:16,402 --> 00:17:21,840 I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU...A LOT. 389 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,675 ANYWAY, CALL ME. 390 00:17:23,675 --> 00:17:25,844 - WHO'S THAT? 391 00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:36,488 I'VE BEEN MEANING TO... 392 00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:41,160 TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING. 393 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:44,263 - ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? 394 00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:46,932 SO THIS IS WHY YOU NEED YOUR SPACE? 395 00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:48,400 THIS IS WHAT YOU MEAN BY FUN? 396 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,302 A LITTLE DOCTOR FUN ON THE SIDE? 397 00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:54,039 WELL, YOU ARE NOT BORING ANYMORE, CATHERINE. 398 00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:59,078 I'LL GIVE YOU THAT. JESUS. 399 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,180 HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? 400 00:18:05,851 --> 00:18:07,686 [door closes] 401 00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:12,124 - WELL, EVENTUALLY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TELL HIM. 402 00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:13,959 - MAYBE YOU CAN TELL HIM FOR ME. 403 00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:15,194 I MEAN, AFTER ALL, YOU HAVE MORE PRACTICE 404 00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:17,596 GIVING OUT THIS KIND OF NEWS. 405 00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:20,365 DOES IT GET EASIER? DO YOU LIKE IT? 406 00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:23,869 DOES IT GIVE YOU A BIT OF A GOD COMPLEX? 407 00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:25,671 - YOU'RE MY FIRST. 408 00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,172 - REALLY? 409 00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:29,341 - WELL, I-I-I MEAN I'VE BEEN IN ON OTHER DIAGNOSES 410 00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:31,076 WITH OTHER DOCTORS, YOU KNOW, IN MY TRAINING. 411 00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:33,078 - HOW OLD ARE YOU? - 31. 412 00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:36,582 - OH, HOLY SHIT. SHOWS YOU HOW GOOD MY INSURANCE IS. 413 00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:39,351 I GET THE NEW GUY. 414 00:18:39,351 --> 00:18:41,320 SO AS YOUR FIRST, HOW WAS I? 415 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:45,224 - WELL, THE FIRST THING YOU SAID WAS "IT'S OKAY." 416 00:18:45,224 --> 00:18:46,992 I THINK YOU WERE MORE WORRIED ABOUT ME. 417 00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:49,161 - IT'S A BAD HABIT OF MINE. 418 00:18:49,161 --> 00:18:52,164 IT TAKES 28 DAYS TO BREAK A HABIT, RIGHT? 419 00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:55,734 I HAVE THAT. 420 00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:59,605 - SO HOW WAS I? 421 00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:02,341 - VERY PROFESSIONAL AND MATTER-OF-FACT, 422 00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:03,709 BUT DETAILED. 423 00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,344 YOU DUMBED IT DOWN ENOUGH TO BE CLEAR, 424 00:19:05,344 --> 00:19:06,612 BUT NOT INSULTING. 425 00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:08,247 AND UNDERNEATH IT ALL, YOU SEEMED SAD. 426 00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:09,314 AND I APPRECIATED THAT. 427 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,416 BUT AFTER YOU LEFT THE ROOM, 428 00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:12,951 I HEARD YOU JOKING WITH THE NURSE 429 00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:15,320 ABOUT PUTTING THE DONUTS TOO CLOSE TO THE URINE SAMPLE 430 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,890 AND IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WASH IT DOWN WITH. 431 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:21,093 - YOU HEARD THAT? - MADE ME DOUBT YOUR SINCERITY. 432 00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:24,096 - THIN WALLS. I'LL REMEMBER THAT. 433 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:25,931 - YOU'LL REMEMBER MORE THAN THAT. 434 00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,566 - YOU THINK? - OF COURSE. 435 00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:31,937 YOU ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR FIRST. 436 00:19:31,937 --> 00:19:34,339 [school bell rings] 437 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:04,002 - ARE YOU SMOKING? - DID YOU JUST DO A CARTWHEEL? 438 00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:05,837 - I WANT YOU TO THINK OF EVERY ONE OF THESE YOU SMOKE 439 00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:07,839 AS TAKING SIX MONTHS OFF OF YOUR LIFE. 440 00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:09,841 - YOU KNOW WHAT, I'D RATHER BE SKINNY 441 00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:11,510 AND DIE YOUNG THAN BE FAT FOREVER. 442 00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:14,146 WHAT CAN I SAY? FAT CAMP DIDN'T WORK FOR ME. 443 00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:16,448 - YEAH, WELL, THERE HAVE GOT TO BE OTHER OPTIONS. 444 00:20:16,448 --> 00:20:19,318 - THE BLOOD SUGAR DIET. THE PROTEIN DIET. 445 00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:20,986 THE STARVATION DIET. 446 00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:23,488 THE PRETENDING I JUST DON'T CARE STRATEGY. 447 00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:26,124 YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU WOULD BE MEAN TOO. 448 00:20:26,124 --> 00:20:29,728 - YOU JUST NEED MOTIVATION. - OH, I'M HEALED! 449 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,064 THANKS, MRS. JAMISON. I SHOULD'VE COME TO YOU SOONER. 450 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:35,300 - I'LL PAY YOU 100 BUCKS FOR EVERY POUND YOU LOSE. 451 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,636 HERE. HERE'S A GOOD FAITH... 452 00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:40,372 $23. 453 00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:42,007 WE MEET IN THE GYM EVERY FRIDAY AT 2:00 FOR WEIGH-INS. 454 00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:44,576 IF YOU SMELL LIKE A CIGARETTE, THE DEAL IS OFF. 455 00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:49,848 - THIS SKINNY BITCH WILL SEE YOU ON FRIDAY THEN. 456 00:21:10,502 --> 00:21:13,705 - MY NAME'S MARLENE. MY DOG'S NAME IS THOMAS. 457 00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:15,374 HE DOESN'T LIKE WALKING 'CAUSE HE'S GOT A THING 458 00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:19,211 ON HIS TOE, BUT THANKS FOR THE OFFER. 459 00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:25,651 - NICE TO MEET YOU, MARLENE. 460 00:21:25,651 --> 00:21:28,954 - CAN I BORROW YOUR LAWNMOWER? MINE'S DEAD. 461 00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,622 ADD IT TO THE LIST. 462 00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:36,595 - SURE. I'LL HAVE MY SON BRING IT OVER. 463 00:21:36,595 --> 00:21:41,700 MARLENE... 464 00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:42,968 IF YOU WERE READY TO GO, 465 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,504 DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT JUST GOING? 466 00:21:45,504 --> 00:21:50,275 - THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME, BUT I JUST KEEP WAKING UP. 467 00:21:55,547 --> 00:21:58,216 - YOU CALL ME ANY TIME DAY OR NIGHT. 468 00:21:58,216 --> 00:21:59,818 IT DOESN'T MATTER. YOU UNDERSTAND? 469 00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:02,954 CALL ME WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER. CALL ME RIGHT NOW. 470 00:22:02,954 --> 00:22:05,524 CALL ME RIGHT NOW. 471 00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:10,529 IT'S A PHONE TOO. - I KNOW. 472 00:22:10,529 --> 00:22:13,865 - I LOVE YOU, BUDDY. 473 00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:29,247 - MOM! 474 00:22:42,327 --> 00:22:45,330 [knocks] MOM. 475 00:22:50,969 --> 00:22:54,973 - OH, MY GOD. 476 00:22:54,973 --> 00:22:56,842 [screams] 477 00:22:59,745 --> 00:23:02,347 [screams] 478 00:23:02,347 --> 00:23:07,386 - WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING? - NO! NO WAY! NO WAY! YOU SUCK! 479 00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:08,954 - SOME DAY, I AM GOING TO BE DEAD. 480 00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:10,122 AND AS A COURTESY TO THE WORLD, 481 00:23:10,122 --> 00:23:11,656 I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THEM THE GUY 482 00:23:11,656 --> 00:23:13,058 WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO GET HIS SHIT TO FLUSH. 483 00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:14,426 AND LET ME BE CLEAR, 484 00:23:14,426 --> 00:23:16,094 YOUR DAD ISN'T LIVING HERE BECAUSE I ONLY WANTED 485 00:23:16,094 --> 00:23:17,529 TO RAISE ONE KID AND I CHOSE YOU. 486 00:23:17,529 --> 00:23:19,698 AND FROM NOW ON, I'M GOING TO RAISE YOU SO HARD, 487 00:23:19,698 --> 00:23:21,533 YOUR HEAD'S GONNA SPIN. 488 00:23:21,533 --> 00:23:24,202 COME ON. 489 00:23:24,202 --> 00:23:26,171 - GET OFF ME. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 490 00:23:26,171 --> 00:23:30,442 - SORRY. IT'S NOT SUSHI. 491 00:23:30,442 --> 00:23:32,110 THE INSTRUCTIONS ARE IN THE NAME. 492 00:23:32,110 --> 00:23:33,578 PLUNGE-HER. 493 00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:34,846 WHERE'D YOU GET THAT? 494 00:23:34,846 --> 00:23:36,815 - DAD GAVE IT TO ME. - I DON'T THINK SO. 495 00:23:36,815 --> 00:23:40,218 - MOM. GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK. 496 00:23:40,218 --> 00:23:45,190 MOM. MOM, COME ON. OPEN THE DOOR. 497 00:23:45,190 --> 00:23:50,095 THIS ISN'T COOL. SERIOUSLY. COME ON. 498 00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:51,196 [The Staple Singers' I'll Take You There plays] 499 00:23:51,196 --> 00:23:53,832 - LET ME OUT. 500 00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:55,434 THIS ISN'T COOL! 501 00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:57,769 ♪ ♪ 502 00:23:57,769 --> 00:23:59,771 - MOM, THIS IS-- THIS IS NOT FUNNY. 503 00:23:59,771 --> 00:24:02,040 SERIOUSLY, LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW. 504 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,043 [The Staple Singers' I'll Take You There continues] 505 00:24:05,043 --> 00:24:13,051 ♪ ♪ 506 00:24:15,954 --> 00:24:18,824 MOM, COME ON. COME ON, SERIOUSLY. 507 00:24:18,824 --> 00:24:21,026 THIS ISN'T FUNNY! 508 00:24:30,001 --> 00:24:32,537 - I BROUGHT YOU SOME CHILI. 509 00:24:32,537 --> 00:24:37,142 - I WANT FOR NOTHING. - IT'S LEFTOVERS. 510 00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:41,012 I WAS GONNA THROW IT AWAY. 511 00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:51,490 - TAKE A PICTURE. IT LASTS LONGER. 512 00:24:53,959 --> 00:24:55,560 YOU WEARING A ROBE? 513 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,797 - I NEVER NOTICED WHAT A HANDSOME GUY YOU ARE. 514 00:24:58,797 --> 00:25:00,765 NO WONDER MY FRIEND HOLLY HAD SUCH A CRUSH ON YOU 515 00:25:00,765 --> 00:25:01,766 IN HIGH SCHOOL. 516 00:25:01,766 --> 00:25:03,368 SHE'D COME OVER TO HANG OUT. 517 00:25:03,368 --> 00:25:05,737 I'D CATCH HER IN YOUR ROOM STARING AT YOUR CLOTHES. 518 00:25:05,737 --> 00:25:07,138 - I NEVER KNEW THAT. 519 00:25:07,138 --> 00:25:08,773 - IT GROSSED ME OUT TO THINK OF YOU TWO TOGETHER 520 00:25:08,773 --> 00:25:10,709 SO I TOLD HER YOU WERE GAY. 521 00:25:10,709 --> 00:25:12,277 - OH, WELL. 522 00:25:12,277 --> 00:25:14,779 I GUESS SHE THINKS SHE LOST HER VIRGINITY TO A GAY GUY THEN. 523 00:25:14,779 --> 00:25:18,950 - NO WAY. - WAY. 524 00:25:18,950 --> 00:25:22,587 - [laughs] 525 00:25:22,587 --> 00:25:25,690 OH, I'M GONNA BURN MY COUCH IN THE BACKYARD ON FRIDAY 526 00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:27,726 IF YOU WANT TO COME OVER FOR A BONFIRE. 527 00:25:27,726 --> 00:25:30,128 - STARTING TO GET YOUR WEIRD BACK, SIS. 528 00:25:30,128 --> 00:25:32,497 - YOU HAVE NO IDEA. 529 00:25:32,497 --> 00:25:34,966 [starts engine] 530 00:25:34,966 --> 00:25:36,968 [The Staple Singers' I'll Take You There plays] 531 00:25:36,968 --> 00:25:39,337 ♪ ♪ 532 00:25:39,337 --> 00:25:41,540 - ♪ MERCY, MERCY ♪ 533 00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:45,610 ♪ I'LL TAKE YOU THERE ♪ 534 00:25:45,610 --> 00:25:47,512 - AND I COULD DO CHEMO, 535 00:25:47,512 --> 00:25:49,548 BUT I'D JUST BE BUYING A LITTLE MORE TIME 536 00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:54,653 AND IT WOULD MEAN A LOT OF PEOPLE 537 00:25:54,653 --> 00:25:55,887 TAKING CARE OF ME 538 00:25:55,887 --> 00:26:00,258 AND IT'S JUST NOT MY THING. 539 00:26:00,258 --> 00:26:01,793 YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER THOUGH, 540 00:26:01,793 --> 00:26:06,097 IF I'M BEING HONEST? 541 00:26:06,097 --> 00:26:10,635 IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER 542 00:26:10,635 --> 00:26:13,171 TO THINK THAT WE'RE ALL DYING. 543 00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:18,910 ALL OF US. 544 00:26:18,910 --> 00:26:20,078 AND WHEN YOU HAVE A KID, 545 00:26:20,078 --> 00:26:22,280 YOU EXPECT THAT YOU'LL DIE BEFORE THEY DO. 546 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,749 I MEAN, EVEN THOUGH YOU TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT, 547 00:26:24,749 --> 00:26:27,586 AT LEAST YOU HOPE TO GOD YOU DO. 548 00:26:34,492 --> 00:26:38,663 SO IF I THINK ABOUT IT THAT WAY... 549 00:26:38,663 --> 00:26:42,100 HEY... 550 00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:47,505 I'M LIVING THE DREAM! 551 00:26:47,505 --> 00:26:52,143 I'M HERE ALL YEAR! 552 00:26:52,143 --> 00:26:55,580 PERFORMING AT STAGE FOUR. 553 00:26:55,580 --> 00:26:57,415 [laughs] 554 00:26:57,415 --> 00:27:00,585 OH, COME ON. COME ON. 555 00:27:00,585 --> 00:27:02,787 YOU GOT TO GIVE IT UP FOR ME A LITTLE BIT. 556 00:27:02,787 --> 00:27:07,726 IT'S KIND OF FUNNY. DEATH COMEDY. 557 00:27:07,726 --> 00:27:09,594 HA HA. 558 00:27:09,594 --> 00:27:11,162 I'M WARNING YOU THAT THIS LAUGHTER 559 00:27:11,162 --> 00:27:13,632 MIGHT TURN INTO A SOB IN A SECOND. 560 00:27:18,336 --> 00:27:22,641 YEAH. THERE IT GOES. 561 00:27:27,278 --> 00:27:31,516 AS LONG AS I'M BEING RAW AND VULNERABLE HERE, 562 00:27:31,516 --> 00:27:33,184 I MIGHT AS WELL TELL YOU 563 00:27:33,184 --> 00:27:37,055 THAT I'M FEELING VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW. 564 00:27:37,055 --> 00:27:41,993 IT COULD JUST BE GRATITUDE. 565 00:27:41,993 --> 00:27:44,696 YOU WANT TO SEE MY BOOBS? 566 00:27:44,696 --> 00:27:48,400 NO ONE ELSE SEEMS TO GIVE A SHIT. 567 00:27:50,902 --> 00:27:52,637 [This Little Light of Mine plays] 568 00:27:52,637 --> 00:27:56,608 - ♪ THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE ♪ 569 00:27:56,608 --> 00:28:00,845 ♪ I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE ♪ 570 00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:05,316 ♪ THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE ♪ 571 00:28:05,316 --> 00:28:09,587 ♪ I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE ♪ 572 00:28:09,587 --> 00:28:13,925 ♪ THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE ♪ 573 00:28:13,925 --> 00:28:16,995 ♪ I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE ♪ 574 00:28:16,995 --> 00:28:20,098 ♪ LET IT SHINE ♪ 575 00:28:20,098 --> 00:28:25,070 ♪ LET IT SHINE TO SHOW MY LOVE ♪ 576 00:28:25,070 --> 00:28:27,639 ♪ I WANNA TELL YOU THAT ♪ 577 00:28:27,639 --> 00:28:30,842 ♪ EVERYWHERE I GO ♪ 578 00:28:30,842 --> 00:28:35,180 ♪ I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE ♪ 579 00:28:35,180 --> 00:28:39,851 ♪ AND EVERYWHERE I GO ♪ 580 00:28:39,851 --> 00:28:43,988 ♪ I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE ♪ 581 00:28:43,988 --> 00:28:46,057 ♪ EVERYWHERE I GO ♪ 582 00:28:46,057 --> 00:28:49,060 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com